One
day laying in bed on my side and belly with one leg pulled up I felt
like I was expecting someone to come in and put something in me from
behind. I could almost feel the body there but also knowing that is
one of the pleasant ways for Diane and I to make love. It has a scary
feeling that goes with it but almost an enchantment about it. The
feeling of something forbidden. The problem with it is that I have no
clue whom it is.
How do you know if it is a man or
woman, because, both thighs and stomachs are soft. Then there is also
the feeling that it is not just one person. Body memories are
probably worse in a way than just memories because there is no
voices, faces or anything, so they try to imply anyone.
Then how do you even talk to anyone
about this feelings, sure they aren't normal? Plus there are the
times when I wake up from naps or lay in bed at night where I don't
move at all. Diane has commented a couple times about how still I am
in bed at night. I'm starting to worry that I am schizophrenia.
