Women anger 1.01

Mom I would like to sit down with you and Mike to talk about our life in California. Maybe get out some pictures to jog our memories. It might not bring any bad situations to discuss but would allow me a chance to touch a part of my past life. It may allow me to know what it is that is hiding from me down deep in the dark insides of me. It would allow some light to enter the darkness. That light would allow me to see in to the past and see clearer into the future. Giving room in the present to be whom I am.

Women anger

I have discovered that the women in my life saying "it doesn't matter" brings up strong feelings of anger. It feels as if they say that what I say matters doesn't mean a thing. What my feelings don't fucking matter or what. Maybe it does or doesn't matter but at the time it matters to me, isn't that enough?

Sex is amoral

Sex is amoral and as any amoral thing it can be used for good and bad.

It is hard sometimes for me to decide if my desire is good or bad. First I have to decide is why I want or need sex. Am I after the feeling of being cared for, wanted and loved or am I using it to feel differently? I was thinking about trying to have sex with Vicki and since I was thinking of it as sex I decided for me that it wasn't for the good. If I had thought of it as making love then I would of felt more comfortable trying.

Negect

Neglect is the most harmful. Because it is so easy for the victimizer to deny. They can claim that it is natural but natural to them isn't really normal. No one deserves to be told that something is going to happen or be back in so much time.

Plus you are always waiting to betrayed. You never really trust anyone because you are afraid of be left alone. There is also the feeling that you know what others need but no one cares about your needs. Like you are nothing but a piece of shit trash. Why would anyone care what happens to that?