Looking at pron is a form of sabotage. It is a way of showing myself that I am not worthy of the good in my life. Rather that be in having a good relationship with Vicki or just life in general. Today I feel good about my life. I have money in the bank. I have a good relationship with Vicki and my family. I have no need to feel shame for anything.
I guess looking at pron is a way to feel like I did when I got clean. I don't feel shame or worthless. I haven't that way in a long time. I have been feeling pretty good about life. Why would I want to ruin that.
However, the last couple days I have been missing Merl, Earnest and Keith. Missing the old days in Eastern Area of Oklahoma.
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