Scared

I want to write the things that Rachel, my counselor, but I'm scared of the writing. When I go to ask a woman out I get afraid. I my back hurts and I feel like I am good to get a belt across my back. The thought or memory that seems to go with that is when my dad had me pull my pants down with my step-mom behind me and when he tried to kill me. My dad won't let me have anything to do with girls and I think both of those were more because I didn't get my step-mom pregnant. It was by the end of that year, age 13 she started blaming for dad getting fix, said I was trying to break them up and started wear robes at night. She also talked bad about my mom.

I wanted to feel guilty for this but I don't, really I don't feel anything. I scared to like a woman or be liked. I feel like if as I or am like a woman my dad is going to beat me.