Thinking of what happened

I don't want to think about what happened to me. I want the results but I don't want to know what happened. What is the big deal of knowing anyway? Why can I help Mercy deal her past and not mine?
I want to help her because then I don't have to look at mine. I can feel sorry for myself while feeling empathy for her. If I don't reveal anything than nothing is real. It can stay lock up. I am not a bad person the way I am. I don't want to know what happened. Why, why is it so fucking important to know. Isn't it enough to say something happen and go from there, what does telling it do.
I don't what to do homework either. It's like if I do I have be in my head. I rather talk or chat with others online. I want to be a therapist so I don't have to deal with my own life. If I don't clean house then I can focus on how bad of a person I am that way instead of looking at what happened to me in the past. If I feel bad about my self now I can look at it and not the past. I can blame today for the way I feel and act, not the past.