Noticed something

This one Mercy isn't allowed to read! :))

I think a few months ago when Jason was acting few I had an emotional lapse of who I was with Mercy. Maybe some wish for thinking kicked in, like I could rescue her or something. I know that there were some times of jealousy but not any real thoughts of anything between us. I got real nervous that he might leave her and she might end up back in the sex industry. I think I kicked into the rescuer mood but wasn't sure what to do about Jason. Never, been this close to a woman, whether she was with someone or not.

I don't think I was trying to break them as far as I know. I remember think what happens if he leave her? There is really much I can do. Would I jump at the chance for that kind of relationship her, probably yes. But, I'm happy for her being with J. I would like a relationship kind of like their but I would hope I could be more understanding if the woman was freaked out about the past. Mercy is helping me grow into the man I want to be for a woman and I am sorry that is painful for her. I know she thinks I really fucked up and should be in a straitjacket. :)) lmao

Hard to convinces that I'm not after sex. Feels funny when I try to get know her outside of the things we used to talk about and seems like it not ok for me to know at it. It feels like to me that it is ok for me to talk to her about childhood abuse and sex industry stuff. :( I ok with that but I wish I knew that so I don't feel so rejected by her. I feel like a woman ask a guy about himself and him saying it's nothing. Every woman I know says that hate that and I can understand why.

In away I feel like a whore. I ask her if she want to talk about stuff and she not really but I need to. That was how are relationship was up to month or so ago. I would just things to and sometimes we talk about during it but it was to help not for me. I guess when I said I was feeling a little different it sound like I want more in the relationship than I did. Again it was one of those time when I should of keep my mouth or fingers quiet but it felt wrong to me not to say anything. I hope that she will patient enough with me to work through it.