Disconnected

Not sure that disconnected it really what to call it. It's more like rejected or abandon. I feel like Mercy and Karin have decided that I am not worth talking to anymore. Maybe I am just too scary for them. I don't know what the fuck I did that has caused them to stop talking.
I feel like I'm nobody to them now. I working on getting to know more people online but I don't what it is that different with us. They think it is because they are 20 but age has nothing to do with it. I think part was with Mercy I talked to her for so long and didn't try hard enough to connect with others online that it was for me taking a hostage, even though she probably didn't realize I felt that way. Hard to know what is was for me but I know that I haven't been on my anti-depressants since August and that could be part of it. Karin, I'm just concerned but probably talked to her too much to.
I know that I getting better but I fucking hate this feeling of not being good enough. I feel like Mercy can't stand me now because I'm not Ash. Ok, so that is jealousy and I'm willing to admit it. Does that make me a bad person to admit that no, just human.