Feeling rejection aren't as big of a deal today but being left alone are. Not so much being left alone as it is forgotten. Partly, in the fact, that I am no one important enough to notice. Secondly, because of my Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis. Being afraid of being stuck in the same position for hours or even maybe days with no one even knowing. When people don't bother to come check on me to see how doing scares me and reinforces the feeling of unimportance. Feeling like everyone thinks it's all in my head builds because of it.
Panic beginnings to kick in after a few minutes when I with family and no one checks on me I remember as kid of feeling unimportant to the feeling and no one really cares about me. Why must I have to tell others that something is wrong? With true intimacy they would know emotional or physical they should know. Hate the fucking shit that say I have to say something to be noticed. Am I not important enough for people know me enough to know it without me saying anything?
11/12/09 11:26 am
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