Left With Thoughts

I don't want to be left with my thoughts

They scare me

As if they are nothing

Like I'm not important enough to have any real ones

What do thoughts show you about yourself

Do thoughts make you real

Can they make you into someone

What do you do if you are afraid of them

Does that make me unreal

I feel that that there is nothing real about me

What do I have to do or think to be real

Is there something I have to do

What is it

I want to be a real person

I want to be something that is real

I hear others talk about different kind of abuses

And that seems so real

I don't have anything that makes me real

I feel like I don't have a real life

I feel that people that were abused or abuse other people or things

Are real and I'm not

People get upset with me when I say things like that

But they don't know how that hurts me

It's like telling me that I only a puppet

But worse than Pinocchio

He was lucky enough to have hope for something

I do I get to hope for

There is nothing that seems real enough to hope for

It's like I have been told to hope for something

But then told I can not ever have it

It's like I'm a lie

And all I want is a lie

And all I am allowed is pain

Pain and emptiness is my lot

It's my lot and no one wants to understand

Even when I think someone wants to

They turn around and hurt me more

Telling me I a fool for wanting what they have

But what they have is so much more than what I have

I want something to make me real

Can no one understand that

Why is it so wrong?