Creepy

Mercy says I kind of creepy because of obsession with her. I can't deny it and wish I could. But, I feel the creepiness in me. It not about Mercy it's just that she feels it and can name it better than me. For me it is a feeling of not having anything in myself. Mercy has helped me to see somethings in me that are creepy. Had do I explain that I feel empty inside. She used to talk to me alot and helped feel the space inside me. I'm grateful that I know that isn't her job or anyone else's. I trust that Jesus will feel it and is revealing it to me. I feel like there is suppose to be something there but I don't know what it is. 


I feeling like sex, masturbation, is trying to feel it or block something. Sex thoughts are becoming a way to block the past from coming up. When I try to think of doing anyone sex wants to control my thoughts. It's hard to feel that I have a life of my own and when I talk about things that I really like it sounds like I'm copying others. I know that really do like to write and art and nobody can t tell it not me. I have lost touch with that part me since I was 14 years old but it starting to come back now. Going to go to a writer's club here this Saturday and see what it is. I want to find the real me a person I think has never really had a chance to be out.

Song for the day "Stand In the Rain," by Superchick. Thanks Karin for the idea of the song of the day it is a great idea.