Real

I want to feel real. What does real feel like. Mercy says that I won't want what she has but at least it sounds like there's reality in it. I have no reality just emptiness. It's like outside my body there is nothing but gray and inside is a black-hole.

Maybe that's what I werewolf, vampire or a ghost might feel like. Being in the world but not part of it. If you reach out to touch something or someone you pass right through or destroy it. Is it possible for me to be part of the real world?

Talk with my counselor today and was able to put some kind of time line on when I moved in with Dad and Deb. Seems like the years from 1976-1980 are important to me making some kind of progress. I called my sponsor tonight and told him about it and about why I seem to be almost unable to write. At this time, this only writing I have been able to do. Plus, I can barely read anything at this time too. Might have something to do with how Dad and Deb reacted to something I wrote when Micheal Karl try to kill himself when I was about 14. I was told I was allow to feel like what I wrote so I guess I gave up on feeling at all.