Down

Feeling down and angry.

Angry because I need to forgive my parents for the way they raise me or more like the lack therein. My son would have a better father, I could be a better friend and I could take shower more regularly. Why can't I see them suffer for the way I raised, the neglect and abuse. Why can't I beat them or something? It's only fair that I get to make them suffer somehow, isn't it?

I don't want to let them off the hook. I want to watch them suffer. However, I don't what good that would do me. What good would me confronting them about the way I was raised going to do for me?

God, why do I have to forgive my mother for not being there for me? I needed her to protect me and she didn't. She was home for me and let thing happen to me. She was too worried about what would happen to her and not the least concerned about what was happening to me.

I want to be happy. I want to have memories of the life I lived. I want to know that I am important and there is a reason for me being here.