Talking

Why is talking so hard? I need to see the reason so that I can move on. What is the benefit of not having anything to talk about? Do I use time with Vicki as an excuse to do nothing outside the house and why? I hate feeling blank. Is that what my parents gave me?

The other day I was listening a mp3 album (Alleluia! by Gaither Vocal Band) that I download that was a 8 track tape when I was in my early teens, which probably help me survive. I remember singing some of the songs in church and then going afterward with my Dad and step-mom out to look at houses on parade of homes. It was a pleasant memory but kind of sad. Sad in that it was just looking at homes. What are good memories suppose to be like?

The album also allowed me to feel the sadness I felt when I was a kid. A sadness of knowing that Christ was real but my family wasn't. As a human being in a world where I wasn't allowed to be a human being. The music on the album touched me in a way that almost nothing else did, kind of like an anchor. That anchor seems to be missing today.