Not sure how to title this one. To a degree I feel used and thrown away. I don't even know how to write about it. I always to tried ask if it was ok talk about things and got doesn't matter or something was like ask again later. Now I what I heard is you should of known better, you old enough to of known better. Maybe, I did know that I should of stopped talking to her everyday after she started working with a sponsor.
I forgot everyone seems to think I have something special because I have been clean for a long time. I have been involved in church for most of my life. I was married and have a kid. I worked through the Steps a few times. I was young when I got clean and now I'm in my early 40's. What does it mean that it's not appropriate for a man my age to be talking to a woman of 20 about sex. Virgin or non, what difference does it make. Do they have to get hurt by someone their own age for to maybe talk to me. Does it make me a predator because I'm talking to women that age about sex. I can remember a couple of years ago woman in her 20's tell it was gross to think about going out with a man my age and then less than 6 months later she dating a man older than me, by a few years, and had his baby.
What is wrong with me? Why can I seem to be ok to talk to and help them get through, then boom? It's like it is ok to be friends with me as long as I helping them kind of like a female friend but I need them help as friend it like sorry that asking to much.
All I was a couple months ago the relationship changed from being what seemed friends with trust to now it is game. I know I text something that seemed small to me to her sponsor but doesn't mean that she needs to mean to me. Just feel like she is playing with my head now. She tells me about this new woman she's got a crush and says she get obsessed like there is something more. What the fuck, we talk about obsessing as being and needs to be talked about and she asks all offended when I ask her what she means. She tells me the first time she think of 13 Stepping her, like what that going to make me think. I asked her about the obsession to see if was just a sexual thing or if she just want to know more about her past. Man the queen bee was mad. Maybe I ask to many questions or something but oh well.
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its frustating and anoying when you ask the same thing over and over again, even if you just word it differnt, if i dont want to be asked questions about something, and I dont know the answer to something,, take it as an insentive to stop asking me the questions. you dont have to be asking me things all the time. I dont feel like answering questions, i dont feel like blogging and when you perster me to answer things i already said i dont have an anser for it gets really fristating espesialy with the inteferon giving me mood swings, and i dont know why im so fucking mad at you when you do that, becuase it doesnt happen with other people, but you seem to just not learn from mistakes and things that dont go well. like talking to people about other people. like you talked to L and J about me,, then you go on to talk to Carin about me after getting all upset at the consequeses of talking to L and J. and half the time im talking to you totaly normaly and you act as iff im being all pissy with you when really there is no way that you could tell if i am becuase you cant hear the tone of my voice to you make it up.. then you act all hurt and give that sarcastic sorry and im like.. and then i actulay DO get annoyed becuase your assuming things.
ReplyDeletesome stuff is just inaproprate to talk to girls about. get it? just cuase I let you get away with it cuase im desensatised to it, doesnt meen you can get away with it with other girls. and you shoudlnt be letting yourself get away with it with me. just get out of the one track mind. talk to people about something other than sex and other than someone else you both know, becuas it GETS YOU IN TROUBLE. simply. thats my best advice, cause I want to help you cuase i know that you have relativly good intentions. others dont have so much trust as I do though,so dont be suproesed if they are less forgiving or think your creepy.