Day 2 of not talking with Vicki

I feeling withdraw from not talking to Vicki today. I want to see if she is ok but know that if I ask that I won't stop talking to her. I am kind of pissed off thinking that she is probably getting wrecked everyday. I know that we love each other but her active addiction is a big fucking wrench is the works of our relationship. I feel that right now that I lose no matter what I do. I am fucking pissed off because there is no way to feel good. I know that if I was drinking and using that all I do is just put something over the feelings without doing anything about them.

I want to know that what I am doing is the right thing. Why aren't we allowed answers that say that what we are doing is right or wrong? I want to know that me not talking with Vicki is fucking up her using but she probably using as a reason to get more fucked up.

This time apart is suppose to help me figure out what I want. Maybe, it is more about what I need and not what I want. Have I lost myself in this relationship? Have I forgotten to take enough time for myself? Have I got caught up into trying to rescue or save her?

I guess one of the scary points for both of us is that within the month I will be in England. I am planning on staying there a month. What makes it scary is that we will be together in a physical way and there are many things about is scary. She is scared partly in thinking that I may only want to have sex the whole time and for me it is will she stay clean while I am there? I am sure that the idea of being physically together just scary.