Called Vicki because I knew that either she was out or on her way out, to have her call me tomorrow. I miss her so much and know that I just need to plan more time away from her no matter what she is or isn't doing. I don't know if I know for sure why I have spent so much time with her. There has been a feeling of importance that seems to go with it; however, now it not so pleasant.
I know that I have gain things from being her boyfriend that she couldn't of given even if she knew how. Today I know what some emotions really feel like without having to guess. As crazy as it sounds this relationship has shown me how to care more for myself than all the others in my life besides my relationship with Jesus Christ. I want to better myself for her because she desires and I that I get something great also.
What happens if when I get to England and meet her face2face and things don't work out for to be together? Well, there are so many possibilities that best I can do is to plan for this best and have idea of what I will do if not. Focusing on the ideal that we might be together once I have gotten there won't help at all and more like do more damage. I have learn in NA that if I focus more on relapse then recovery more than likely I will relapse.
In the long run, I hope that we are both better for having to been together no matter what happens. If that is my main goal then I really am loving her. Love to me looks to better the other person and one self.
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