Living in a fantasy about my relationship is a scary thing. For it leads to waiting for the other person to miss up because they can never live up to the fantasy. The fantasy is great for a while but the pain of reality is too great. It has almost destoryed my relationship with Vicki. She can't figure out what keeps happening and why I hurt her so.
That's a scary thought, that I keep hurting her when I tell her that she is hurting me. Whom the hell do I think I am. I am allowing my past to interfere with my present. I am still afraid that I am going to be betrayed so I am creating the situation for it to happen. Fantasy comes from thinking that I am enough to make someone change even though I deny that is what I am doing.
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