Something revealed

I have noticed that this last weekend that I have wanted sex more than I have in a while, at least more intensely. Some of it maybe because of Vicki moving into her own flat and the other part is her using Friday. I was reading in NA's Basic Text about honesty, willingness and open-mindedness and realized that I have been wanting it to fix the frustration I have been feeling. I know that her moving out of her family's home allows her to make more notice so it is partly just the idea being new again.

Frustration in her using her first night in her flat got to me and I wanted to use it to my advantage to get sex but I didn't. I managed to respect her and not force what I wanted. I know that humans do have the need for sex but I want to make love to her and not fuck her. So, if I am force her to give it to me it isn't making love. Forcing sex is a form of abuse to me and I can't allow myself to go there.

However, there is a lot of frustration in the fact that even though now I have a diagnosis that fits my condition doesn't make it any easier to deal with, most of the time. So, I am sure that I allow the frustration this situation to push me to push for sex. Another part that makes this frustrating is just because I admit to this doesn't make it go away right a way. I want a quick fix for her and me.

Transforming Anger: The HeartMath Solution for Letting Go of Rage, Frustration, and Irritation

Percy Gets Upset: Emotional Skills: Dealing with Frustration (Stuart J. Murphy's I See I Learn)